OK, this is a personal and very powerful strategy which you can act on straight away – it’s like a Hitchcock film without the build up, we go straight to the climax.

Three quick starters for ten, before we go for it, the cornerstones of Conversation Power.

ONE

Everyone likes to be liked – it is one of our primary desires as human beings. In that respect, we are all the same. In other respects, we may differ wildly in many ways.

Conversation Power is all about identifying common bonds and, therefore, will work with everyone. It’s all about identifying differences between people to avoid upsetting or disrespecting those we are aiming to communicate with.

TWO

Everyone’s favourite subject is themselves. This is not being self-centred, people have no choice. They only know what it is like being themselves, and can therefore only ever speak as themselves.

So, their favourite word in any language in the world is the sound of their own name – learn it and use it (but don’t overuse it).

THREE

When we communicate we do so with our appearance, with touch, movements, and of course with our voice and what we say. Our most dominant expression is our appearance and body language, by far. We often say things without actually saying anything – for example with a certain look.

FOUR

Every time we speak, every time we think, every time we communicate, we do one of three things:

We make a statement
We ask a question
We issue a command

We can combine or confuse all three, or two of the three, and we do this most frequently by making statements and issuing commands, when asking a question:

Examples:

Are you not in bed yet?  (A command posing as a question)

Are you being deliberately stupid deliberately? (A statement pretending to be a question)

Conversation Power – 20 Powerful Examples

1 Lying

 How to Spot a Liar

1. No eye contact. His eyes will look away. If the room has a door - that's where they'll look.
2. Crossing of arms and/or legs (defensive).
3. Their eyes will narrow.
4. Hands on the face, especially the mouth. This is an attempt to conceal or cover.
6. Sometimes the head will nod a "no" when answering a "yes" question, or visa versa. This is a subconscious movement.
7. Mispronouncing words or mumbling.
8. Overstated friendliness/laughing. He wants you to believe and he wants you to like him so you will believe him.
9. Too much detail.
10. Filling every silence in the conversation.

How to Avoid Being Lied to:

1. Sit in the higher chair to elevate yourself and literally take the higher ground. A subtle tactic.
2. Uncross your legs, and open your arms and lean back. Make yourself "open" to the truth – but take care not to look too confident or you will give yourself away!
3. Ask for specific details (a direct challenge to the liar).
4. Keep direct eye contact (it invites them to tell you the truth)
5. Invade their personal space. Get close; they'll get uncomfortable
6. Give them an "out". Make it easy for them to tell the truth. Pretend you didn't hear them correctly or tell them you didn't understand what they said. Always leave a way out so they can change their words and tell the truth without losing face.
7. Stay calm. Never show surprise or shock. Treat everything they say with the same level of acceptance. If you react negatively you will lose any chance of being told the truth.

2. How to Communicate with a Teenager

• Listen with your lips shut.

• Do not be judgemental when you’re listening (it’s harder to do this than you might imagine).

• Train your mind to respond – NOT to react.

• Stop what you are doing. Turn around so that your heart is facing your teenager’s heart (it doesn’t have to be obvious that you are doing it). Research shows that most mothers and fathers hold their babies close to their heart, in order to connect and to comfort their child.

• Listen from their point of view; it’s about them, not about you. And don’t always come up with rescue solutions to their problems. Sometimes they just want to talk.

The key here is to ask them now and then if you think that you are listening to them. And don’t give up on this, you’ll get better and better and it’s a life time exercise.

And with teenagers, always remember these three golden rules:

• If it’s important to them, it’s important to you
• Their number one desire, by far, is approval and respect from their peers
• Just like with adults, they are not always their behaviour

Thanks to Cim Bartlet

3. Listen

On Listening
By Ralph Roughton

When I ask you to listen to me and you start by giving me advice, you have not done what I have asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin by telling me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to solve my problems, you have failed me, strange as it may seem.
Listen!

All I ask is that you listen, not talk or do ….. just hear me. When you do something for me that I can do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.
And I can do for myself.  I’m not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. But, when you accept as simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling.  And when that’s clear the answers are obvious – and I don’t need advise. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what is behind them.

Perhaps that’s why prayer works, sometimes, for some people ….. because God is mute, and doesn’t give advise or try to fix things.
God just listens and lets you work it out for yourself.
So, please listen and just hear me. And if you want to talk wait a minute for your turn and I will gladly listen to you.

Thanks to Judith Underhill - Your Business Matters
www.your-business-matters.com