Returning to Yourself

Time to Read – How fast you can count to ten?

Returning to Yourself – As these weekly whatevers enter their tenth year, I turn to an often asked question – “What if people spot me using these Naked Leader tools and techniques and I am seen as being manipulative?” – The short answer is to embed them as part of what you do every day.

1. Everything in Naked Leader is aimed at building rapport and trusted relationships with yourself, and with each other.

2. If your ethics are about helping others, you will be fine.

3. Children do this stuff – you did when you were a child – you are simply relearning or remembering what you once knew and did every day, without ever giving it a label.

4. Do not do them all at once!

5. Naked Leader is about returning to yourself – you have been judged by many people in your lifetime – you are “good,’” you are “bad’” – you are “right,” you are “wrong,” – you are this or you are that. I say this and this alone – you are.

6. Have fun with them – they won’t hurt anyone!

7. You will know if what you are doing is “working,” by both the results, and how you feel as you use them – if you feel awkward then you will be awkward and they will not work.

8. What happens if two people know and use the same technique – e.g. handshake? Then you will build rapport, faster.

9. Focus on the outcome you want for yourself, and others.

10. If something does not “work” then do something else (of course).

With my love and best wishes



  • I had four years formal training in law, but it transpires that understanding people is much more important than the law in the day-to-day world of dispute resolution. Mediation training helped me think through my observations on resolving conflict.

    So I come to the ‘What if…?’ that David posed.

    What if two people both understand techniques that can get them what they want? If their goals are complementary, it could lead to a smoother team and if their goals are not – perhaps they have the insight into addressing the situation on a ‘shared interests’ basis and modifying their goals accordingly. If there are not ‘shared interests’ then they should not be in the same team and somebody needs to go!

    What if people are perceived as ‘manipulative’? To be ‘manipulative’, there needs to be a concealed objective that somebody is being steered towards. In my opinion, with an open agenda and declared goals which are common to both parties, working towards those objectives cannot be validly seen as ‘manipulative’.


  • Cynthia James

    If something doesn’t work for me, I do something else.
    Works for me!

  • Maurice

    Interesting theory from Lewis. Appreciate his thinking there.

  • Mark Hammer

    I believe that you should keep working at something and if it doesn’t work you then change it and get on with something else.

  • Sam Jacob

    Two seconds. That’s how long it took me to count to 10. Anybody beat that?

  • Tony Weeks

    I try to keep to a routine until that routine no longer works. When that happens, well, it really is time to change tack and do something else.

  • Paul Charlton

    Building rapport people is key in business. Word and mouth can count for so much in business life.

  • Michael Sumner

    The outcome is first…then work from there…easy.

  • Mary Hull

    I like to work that way too. I work out what it is I want and then go about getting it.
    Doesn’t always work but I make it happen more often than not.

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