- 4th June 2012
- Posted by: Rosalind Howard
- Category: NL Week
Time to Read – You’ll have such fun, it won’t matter
The Seven Ways to Influence by using “Yes”
‘Yes’ can be the MOST powerful Leadership word – a simple 3 letter word that requires so much responsibility and affords so much influence when using it to effect.
1. Just by saying “yes” instead of “no” ensures that the other person opens up to your point of view more, as they feel you are being constructive, not destructive.
2. Remember, “yes” does not necessarily mean agreement with the point being made, it can be used as an acknowledgement of an understanding of the point (even if you don’t agree with it) and/or an indication that you understand why the point is being made (again, even if you don’t agree with it) – in short, it sets a context for a far more positive discussion and debate, rather than getting bogged down in disagreement.
3. Every “Yes” to a child helps their self-esteem when they reach your age.
4. What is the other person’s most important outcome(s) that they want to achieve – not how tos – actual outcomes/results. Be clear on the outcomes that you also agree with and indicate as such – actually offer to help achieve or say it is important that “we” will achieve these outcomes – be clear, concise and compelling on how your ideas and how tos will help achieve the outcome that they want / that you all want.
5. Use real examples of day to day actions and behaviour and avoid long pointless discussions about meaningless generalities. e.g. a “manufacturing” mind-set is not appropriate in “retail” discussion is futile – it means nothing in day to day terms – instead use exact examples that apply to real work e.g. A six sigma technique in manufacturing may be modified to work in a specific showroom situation – this action focuses again on what’s possible, rather than on what is not. Also, use their language and examples, not your own – let the other person own the agenda and the language, and they will let you do the same.
6. State straight away that all discussions will be positive, constructive and open. This is not only true in what you all want, it is also a placebo – by stating that as an outcome the mind will be expecting it, and when we believe something to be true, we see the world in that way.
7. Be positive with your body language and eye contact as well as with your words. Pay close attention, do not interrupt, and act as if what the other person is saying is the only thing that matters. Also, in a group situation do not gang up. If there are four people of one opinion and one to be persuaded it actually helps if one of the four “switches sides” to a degree – bizarre, and it works. Also, it helps to summarise what they have said before you add your own thoughts (which start with “and”) and nod a reasonable amount, though not as much as if you were a nodding dog in a car, which will only have the reverse effect. More of this in our NLP workshop
With my love and best wishes