The Seven Ways to Influence by using “Yes”

Time to Read – You’ll have such fun, it won’t matter

The Seven Ways to Influence by using “Yes”

‘Yes’ can be the MOST powerful Leadership word – a simple 3 letter word that requires so much responsibility and affords so much influence when using it to effect.

1. Just by saying “yes” instead of “no” ensures that the other person opens up to your point of view more, as they feel you are being constructive, not destructive.

2. Remember, “yes” does not necessarily mean agreement with the point being made, it can be used as an acknowledgement of an understanding of the point (even if you don’t agree with it) and/or an indication that you understand why the point is being made (again, even if you don’t agree with it) – in short, it sets a context for a far more positive discussion and debate, rather than getting bogged down in disagreement.

3. Every “Yes” to a child helps their self-esteem when they reach your age.

4. What is the other person’s most important outcome(s) that they want to achieve – not how tos – actual outcomes/results. Be clear on the outcomes that you also agree with and indicate as such – actually offer to help achieve or say it is important that “we” will achieve these outcomes – be clear, concise and compelling on how your ideas and how tos will help achieve the outcome that they want / that you all want.

5. Use real examples of day to day actions and behaviour and avoid long pointless discussions about meaningless generalities. e.g. a “manufacturing” mind-set is not appropriate in “retail” discussion is futile – it means nothing in day to day terms – instead use exact examples that apply to real work e.g. A six sigma technique in manufacturing may be modified to work in a specific showroom situation – this action focuses again on what’s possible, rather than on what is not. Also, use their language and examples, not your own – let the other person own the agenda and the language, and they will let you do the same.

6. State straight away that all discussions will be positive, constructive and open. This is not only true in what you all want, it is also a placebo – by stating that as an outcome the mind will be expecting it, and when we believe something to be true, we see the world in that way.

7. Be positive with your body language and eye contact as well as with your words. Pay close attention, do not interrupt, and act as if what the other person is saying is the only thing that matters. Also, in a group situation do not gang up. If there are four people of one opinion and one to be persuaded it actually helps if one of the four “switches sides” to a degree – bizarre, and it works. Also, it helps to summarise what they have said before you add your own thoughts (which start with “and”) and nod a reasonable amount, though not as much as if you were a nodding dog in a car, which will only have the reverse effect. More of this in our NLP workshop

Join me for more Top Leadership Tips – or Bob for NLP Without the Jargon – limited places!

With my love and best wishes

David



8 Comments

  • Far too much emphasis on the equilibrium!

  • Michael Sumner

    Not enough in my opinion. Can’t get enough of it.
    It is so true that we should really engage in a conversation and look at the person we are talking to and really feel their emotion while speaking to them.
    It is the reason that sales is so much better in person. We really do have to see what the other person is saying, not just hear it, to know exactly what it is they are trying to sell.

  • Sam Jacob

    Yes. My favourite!

  • Tony Weeks

    Being constructive and open doesn’t always work.
    There has to be some kind of hidden meaning behind things. Where’s the fun otherwise. No arguments would be boring.

  • Francis Greve

    To be honest, it wasn’t that much fun!!
    Only kidding. That is another example of a good post and yet so much more could have been said on the subject. I guess these are just soundbites.

  • Harry Peake

    Why is it too much to think about? Strange comment. Read and digest. not that difficult.

  • Maureen

    Saying yes to my children has had a real positive effect.
    No, is such a negative word and has negative connotations.
    Best to answer a question with a maybe, or a yes, although not yet, rather than a no.

  • Marcus Adams

    Yes can me no in so many ways.
    It can also be a dangerous word.

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